Words Unspoken
by Loopstagirl
Summary: Merlin wants to know why it was that Kilgharrah didn't tell him. Spoilers for 5x02.


**Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners.**

**Spoilers for 5x02! As for Aithusa - girl or boy? I thought boy, until there was an interview with Katie McGrath clearly calling her a girl! So I've gone with girl in this, but not actually sure!**

Merlin knew that he had to wait until Mordred had been knighted, until everything had settled down as the kingdom readjusted to having her king back. He also knew that he had to wait until Arthur stopped giving him a stupid amount of chores to do for no apparent reason. He knew why though, knew it was the monarch's way of keeping him close, keeping an eye on him. Merlin was fully aware that he had given Arthur cause for concern during their trip to Ismere. Not only with his seeming suicide run after a dragon, but his insistence that the king killed Mordred. Merlin knew that was not like him to be the one taking the violent approach, and the look that Arthur had given him had informed him precisely what the king thought about it.

But eventually, the festivities died away and Arthur stopped looking at him as if he was expecting his servant to suddenly grow another head or something dramatic like that. It also helped that Arthur had finally been given a clean bill of health from Gaius and therefore was allowed back out onto the training fields for the first time since Morgana had stabbed and knocked him out. With Arthur distracted and beginning to sleep properly again, Merlin knew that his chance had come.

Almost three weeks after they had returned from that forsaken place, he pulled on his warmest jacket and crept out of his shared chambers. As usual, Gaius simply continued to snore, not seeming to notice that his ward was slipping out. It showed how many times Merlin had done this, for it took him almost no effort at all to duck past the guards and head out into the forest. When he reached his normal clearing, he threw back his head and roared. The rush of power flooding through his veins made him feel warmer and more alive than he had done for weeks now, and Merlin found that he was grinning as he waited for Kilgharrah to respond to his call.

It seemed to take the Great Dragon an age to arrive, but by the time that the familiar sound of wings reached Merlin's ears, his grin had slipped. Instead, there was nothing short of anger in his expression as the beast landed in front of him, dipping his head in acknowledgement.

"For what purpose do you call me this time, young warlock?"

"Where's Aithusa?" Merlin said bluntly, in no means to play games. As soon as he had seen the flash of white in the tunnels, he knew that it was the young dragon that was there. The one he had helped bring into this world, the one that, as a Dragonlord, he was responsible for. Kilgharrah didn't answer him, but instead just looked long and steadily at the warlock. Eventually, he spoke.

"I assume that by the fact that you are asking me, you know full well that I do not know." Merlin could only gape for a long moment. He had thought that the creature would have some sort of excuse, some sort of riddle as to why the youngster was far away and in the company of the one person that Kilgharrah seemed to dislike almost as much as he had done Uther. Fully aware that he was simply staring, Merlin snapped his mouth shut and began pacing in agitation.

"How long has she been missing? What didn't you think of telling me, Aithusa is my responsibility?"

"You never asked, young warlock. And due to Albion beginning to exist now more than ever over the last few years, your need to call me have been few and far between."

"She's a baby! And she's with Morgana! She can't even speak, Kilgharrah, is that what you wanted? She's been through something, something terrible, and it doesn't matter that I can command you, she physically can't tell me!"

Merlin wasn't sure whether he should be pleased or not by the way that Kilgharrah seemed to visibly recoil, a look entering his eye that Merlin wasn't sure he had ever seen before or not. It was almost as if he was guilty. Taking advantage of that, Merlin pressed on, looking eyes with the noble creature.

"You knew, didn't you? You knew and you didn't think that I would want to know? I don't care if I haven't needed to call you because of some sort of danger to Camelot, you could have called me. I know you can, even if you haven't done it for years. I wouldn't have ever met you if you hadn't invaded my head."

"A dragon's path is their own, Merlin. I have no responsibility for Aithusa. If she wanted to leave, it is not in my nature to stop her. I have spent too many years as a prisoner, I will not impose it on another."

"So instead you'll let her go to the one person that you've always wanted me to kill? Morgana might not be able to command Aithusa the way that I can, but that means that Aithusa trusts her, or that she has done something to her in order for her to stay by her side."

"If you kill the witch, then your dragon will be free." Kilgharrah responded somewhat smugly, and Merlin let a soft warning growl emit from the back of his throat.

"You are not making this about me. Don't you think we haven't tried to stop Morgana? What I want to know is why Aithusa can't speak, why she looks like she has been through the seven hells and why on earth you didn't think to tell me that she has been gone for so long?" Merlin's voice lowered as he spoke, and he knew that, subconsciously, his dragonlord powers were coming through. Kilgharrah had denied him answers too many times in the past, but this time, Merlin wanted to know. If he was honest, he couldn't stop the twisting feeling of guilt from clenching in his gut. The great dragon was right, he should have asked sooner about the young one.

Kilgharrah shifted, not saying anything for a long moment. Merlin realised it wasn't because he didn't want to answer, but because he didn't know how.

"What did you do?" He asked quietly, recognising the look in the dragon's eye. It was almost the same look he could feel burning in his own eyes when he had deliberately pushed Arthur too far in order to just get a reaction. Somehow, he had a feeling that Kilgharrah knew more about why Aithusa had left than he wanted to say.

"Kilgharrah."

"I… the young one wanted to follow you to Camelot. She kept trying to come after you, craving the contact of her dragonlord. I forbad her from doing so." Merlin closed his eyes, pinching his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

"You should have…"

"Told you, yes I suppose I should have. But I trusted a dragonlord once before, and it resulted in me spending twenty years chained in a cave at the mercy of my jailer."

"My father was betrayed, don't you ever talk about him like that!" Merlin didn't even think of keeping his voice down. His emotions were too strong right now. If he wanted to yell and curse, a dragon was certainly not going to stop him.

"He was betrayed. And what is to stop your king from doing the same to you?"

"You're the one that always spoke of what Arthur was destined for, how can you say that?"

"He is still a Pendragon. I will not let her put all her trust in you for you to be manipulated by your loyalty to the king and lead her to the same fate as I."

"I should kill you for that." Merlin said softly, darkly. Arthur had been right about being worried about him for the way he had behaved at Ismere. Now more than ever, Merlin was feeling the weight of his destiny crushing down on him, and he scared himself by the lengths he was now prepared to go to in order to make sure that Albion was safe.

"You should, but you won't. Your heart is too pure; you will not hurt me, despite your powers." Kilgharrah said softly, lowering his head to look the warlock in the eye. "I didn't tell you that the young one had gone because it was her choice. It was her fate to explore wider worlds. And you are wrong; I did not know that she had ended up with the witch."

"We have to get her back. "Merlin whispered, his voice losing the anger almost as quickly as it had come. Kilgharrah was right; he would never be able to do anything to hurt those he felt responsible for. But if Morgana had done anything, even told Aithusa a lie, then Merlin was going to make sure that he personally ensured that she never hurt anyone again. It was one thing for her to go after another human, but to use Aithusa… Merlin knew that being the last Dragonlord came with a responsibility, and for the first time in his life, he thought about what it would be like to be a parent.

"Can we do it? Can we bring her home?"

"Now that I know she is with the witch, I might be able to find her. If that is what you command?"

"No." Merlin said simply, craning his neck back and looking up at the ancient and noble creature before him. "It's what I ask. Bring Aithusa back, Kilgharrah. For Albion. For me."

The dragon dipped his head and took flight, Merlin automatically taking a step backwards in order to maintain his balance against the huge gust of wind. He stood out there on the field, watching as the huge beast turned into a tiny speck in the sky and then disappeared altogether. Sighing, he lowered his gaze and turned his head back towards Camelot. He knew that he had to return, yet again his destiny was calling him back and if he stayed out here much longer, he would be late for work. Dawn was just beginning to peek over the horizon, and as Merlin took his first step towards home, he felt a sense of determination sink into him.

He by no means trusted Mordred, and certainly wasn't planning on letting the Druid near Arthur without someone being there to watch them. His destiny was on the line once again, but Merlin knew what he had been doing wrong. He had grown relaxed, complacent almost, in the few years of peace they had had. That foolish belief that just because everything was okay at the time meant he didn't have to be on guard could have potentially cost him Aithusa.

Not anymore. There was a spring in his step as he hurried back into the castle and Merlin felt his eyes glow with power and determination as he put wards in place. If the great trial for Albion had indeed begun, then Merlin was going to make sure that he met every challenge head on. He wasn't going to let anything else be lost because he wasn't paying attention.

And he was going to get Aithusa back and healed, no matter what it took.


End file.
